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The Texas Chicken Monkey

While probably not a Chupacabra, this letter was still amazing.

The Urban dictionary defines a Chicken Monkey as an amusing, easygoing, frivolous and fun individual who freely engages in amusing behavior of both the positive and negative kind, but mostly positive and funny, "arousing a range of emotions from astonishment to shock".

I live in a trailer park on the edge of Starr county, Texas. It’s a new park with paved roads going out to our plot of land, which is at the extreme south edge of the property. There’s a chain fence (editor: I think he means a chain-link fence, or a hurricane fence) that goes around the property, and at the corner we can see is a gate that gets used every week by the garbage collection service. On the inside of the fence isa bunch of bins that hold the parks garbage.

I’ve lived there for a long time. My trailer has a canopy and I got a table on the dirt in front of my door. I like to sit out there in the eveneing, drink beer and chat with some of the other residents. There’s a lot of real old people here. I try to help keep an eye on them since I’m disabled and never really have to go any further than the store down the corner, and that’s withing range of my golf cart.

Like I said, in the evening I drink a little beer on my picknic table and chat with neighbors. Now, since the garbage bins are just in sight around the edge of a little rocky hill, if I sit at one end of the picknic table I can see them. So I don’t sit on that end. I sit on the other end and let myvisitors have that view.

I was chatting with Mrs. Berns (editor: we changed this name) one evening and she suddenly made this wierd movement with her neck and said YOU SEE THAT!

I said no, what. She said SOMETHINGS IN THE GARBAGE.

I figured it was a rat. Or a bird, they get in there too. Or a cat after a rat or a bird.

I don’t like the garbage dropped all over the place. It stinks like all hell. So I grabbed my lilttle baseball bat I keep around for safety and head over there. Mrs. Berns is yelling behind me to just let it go, stay away, all that shit but I didn’t listten. I figured I was gonna brain whatever the hell it was and toss if over the fence for the coyotes.

I get closer, Mrs. Berns starts getting louder and more excited. She’s got neighbors looking and yelling and asking what the heck all the noise is about and I yell back its a rat I’m gonna whack and most of them went away. A couple more came by, Arnold S. was one. He had his own baseball bat and he joined me.

I finished my beer as we walked up to the bin and I tossed it inside. The noise of the beercan bouncing offf the inside of the metal bin musta startled it, and whatever it was musta jumped inside, because we heard it moving. There was a thump and I thought I saw the bin shudder. That was a little wierd because those bins are heave, old steel.

There’s this little one step riser made of tube chrome and a plastic matt next to the bins people use to step up to toss bags inside. I grabbed that and pulled it over and stepped up and looked down.

The steet lights in the park came on about then, and one above the garbage bin shined enough light in for me to see this thing moving around under the newspapers and crap. Suddenly whatever it was threw a bunch of crap up in the air in my face and jumped out. I tripped and fell, broke my wrist, and by the time I got up Arnold is yelling LORD WHAT IS THAT WHAT IS THAT? I could hear Mrs. Berns screaming her damn head off over by my trailer.

By the time I got up I had heard it it that chain fence and go over. It was trailing garbage and crap behind it, and still had its paws on something it was dragging. I just gotta little peek before it was out of sight in the dark.

Arnold said he saw a monkey. But now he won’t say nothing. They was calling him stupid and blind.

Mr. Berns sez she was a something with feathers on it. Somewith with wings coulda moved like that, so I figure she is onto something there.

I think it might have been a cat, if it wasn’t for the mark on the back of the fin we found. Like four streaks of sh*t, about a half inch apart, like something – a monkey – mighta wiped its butt .

Mr’s Berns swears it had feathers. I went to check again with her before I wrote this, and she doesn’t remember it. or she sez she doesn’t remember it.

So this was some kind of animal, that’s for sure. Big enough to make a big noise in a big metal box, and maybe covered with feathers. and maybe it has a paw like a little hand. I thought of the legend of the chicken monkey.

That’s all about this old story about a circus that was coming through town and had an accident that let some monkey’s lose. They ate up stuff from the countryside for a couple years before they disappeared, probably to Mexico because there isn’t sh*t here for them. But before they left on supposedly had a intimate relation with a chicken. He’s supposed to be around here, or his kids, or whatever you call them. F*cking chicken monkey. I don’t know what to believe. I heard worse things that are true.

You all can come by any time and take a look if you want.

(We’d love to come and see the area, but the writer neglected to make any marks on the envelope to indicate where he is, the name of the trailer park, and other details we would need. If you’re reading this and you know about the guy, or this legend of the chicken monkey, we’d love the hear from you. If not a chupacabra, this could be some new crypto-critter we’ve never heard of before.)

(REMAINDER REDACTED REF TEFLONINIT234443)

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